The Exhausting Mundane

We’ve entered a new phase of life. I call it The Exhausting Mundane. It was a gradual slip into this new normal, and it’s been hard for me to wrap my brain around it. I guess that’s why it has taken me so long to update our blog. On paper, things are easier. Superman is now 5 years old, he’s incredibly helpful and independent. Batman is growing up too and there’s been a giant jump in his independence, especially when combined with help from big brother. Wonder Woman is out of what I’d call the acute phase. She’s now 18 months old and for the most part, she’s a very content and easy going baby. Sure, she likes to throw us for a loop with colds, diarrhea, and mystery illnesses (one of which caused an overnight hospital stay), and excessively cranky days, but for the most part we’ve been able to get the right combination of meds and therapies to help her be comfortable, and aware and interested in her surroundings. We’ve been able to back off of our frequent specialist visits and now see them in a time table that’s much less overwhelming. Things with her health finally feel stable.

Yet I kept looking at our life and thinking, this should be easy, why isn’t it easy? It finally dawned on me that it’s the day to day mundane things that are exhausting. Wonder Woman is an easy baby, but she’s not a baby. She’s a toddler who doesn’t toddle. She is completely dependent on me for every thing. I use a pump to feed her, but without my husband and I doing it every day three times a day without fail, she would not eat. There are the meds to keep going 3 times a day as well the refill schedule to stay on top of. There are therapies multiple times a week along with all the ‘homework’ we need to do with her so that she can learn to use those skills functionally. There’s the exhaustion of going in her room over and over and over again when she keeps getting stuck in the corner because she’s a 1 year old who can’t turn her head from the right to the left when lying on her back. She’s so heavy to carry, especially with my own added baby weight. Add to this the exhaustion of typical moms everywhere, trying to get the boys to and from school, fed, clean(ish), keep on top of laundry and dishes and dirty floors, and it wears on me.

In this new phase I find myself frustrated all over again by some of the things that I thought I had come to grips with. I can’t help looking at my daughter and noticing how tall she is and wishing I could see what she looks like walking around. As she gets older she gets further and further behind her peers. I am so proud of all that she’s accomplished, but I am faced again with how much she can’t do. I’m sad for her, and honestly, sometimes I’m frustrated for me. It’s exhausting caring for a toddler with the development of a 2 month old.

When we said yes to adopting Wonder Woman we had absolutely no idea what we were getting into.  Another typical parent experience. You envision what life will look like when you have a child, but you’ve got no idea until you live it. As they age you envision what the next phase will look like, always hopeful that it will be easier, yet each new age comes with it’s own struggles. One day you wish they would sleep through the night, then you wish they’d just buckle their own seat belt, then they conquer that and you wish they could make their own breakfast, and so on it goes with each new skill acquired is another to learn.

But that’s adulthood as well. Or at least it should be. You don’t magically become an adult at 18 and suddenly have every skill you need. You learn budgeting and finances through trial, error, Ramen noodles, and overdrawn bank accounts. You learn interpersonal skills by working with people that you don’t particularly like. You learn patience by teaching your child how to put on their own shoes. Somethings you want to learn, somethings are forced on you. I’ve had so many people tell me, “I don’t know how you do it.” A relatable sentiment. Someone else might not know how I manage my crazy life (to be honest, it’s sort of a mystery to me– just know it’s all God). But I don’t know how widowed people do it. I don’t know how people with chronic pain and diseases do it. I don’t know how single moms do it. I don’t know how unemployed families do it. I don’t know how anyone does it other than me. By the grace of God, I just do it one exhausting day at a time.

 “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:11-13