Finding Joy
There is a hush over my house. I hear the whirring of our white noise machine and my soft typing on this keyboard. Occasionally I hear my own sniffles, the jangle of a dog collar, and the chirp of a smoke alarm signaling it’s need for new batteries. This is a rare occurrence in our household, me managing to get up before anyone else, sitting in a quiet house. My husband is sleeping in, meaning he didn’t have to get up at 4:30, my sons have stayed in their own bed all night long, the baby has been fed and cuddled back to sleep, and Wonder Woman’s feeding pump hasn’t beeped yet. It’s still dark outside, most lights are off inside as well, and I’m sitting here, sipping my hot coffee, more sugar and creamer than coffee, and eating cookies for breakfast.
Cookies for breakfast is only an option when the children are still asleep. Though I don’t see how donuts for breakfast is any different, but donuts are a breakfast food and that assuages my guilt of handing my kids so much sugar in the morning. Good luck kids, and godspeed to your teachers.
In just 30 minutes, the bustle of our morning will begin and the silence will be gone. I will wake up the oldest for school (if he doesn’t beat me to it), inevitably his younger brother will wake up and join us and the chatter will begin. I will give my daughter her medicine and change her diaper, eliciting sounds of protest at disturbing her. The baby will wake and need to eat, the dogs will bark to be fed and go outside. I’ll probably wash a load of laundry because that is the never ending task for a family of 6.
My life can feel like a series of endless tasks and noise from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed. Breakfast, start laundry, give meds and food, feed the baby, go to the bus stop, come back, straighten up mess, take next child to school, straighten up more mess, fold laundry, load dishwasher, run errands, make phone calls, pick up kids from school, do homework, cook dinner, do nighttime meds and food, bath, read books, prep lunches, wash dishes, bed time, straighten up again, feed baby again, go to bed, and then wake up and start over- with lots of diaper changes, appointments, and extra chores thrown in for good measure. It’s a lot. When I’m not careful, this never ending to do list consumes me, it pulls me in with its exhausting monotony, and I just hang on, trying to keep this train running and the clothes clean. But when my days revolve around chores and to do lists, I feel all the joy getting sucked out of me in the endless wash, rinse, and repeat cycle.
That’s not how I want to live my life. Even though I know these things are necessary, even though I know in this season of my life that God has called me to be a servant to my family first and foremost, I also know He has called me to joy. Psalm 47:1, Ecclesiastes 9:7, Isaiah 9:3, 1 Peter 1:8-9, Romans 15:13, all of these verses and more remind me that joy is a gift from God, in all seasons. Go ahead, look them up, Google ‘Bible verses about joy’ and see what you find. Even the Proverbs 31 woman, the awe inspiring woman of God who rises when it is dark and provides for her family, who speaks with wisdom, she who appears to carry so much weight and do so many things– she laughs! (Proverbs 31:25) When did I stop laughing? I didn’t even realize I had dissolved into a joyless routine. But now I know, and I’m going to choose to find joy. Joy in the good, joy in spite of the hard things. Joy, given freely by God day in and day out if I’d just open up my eyes to see His “good and perfect gifts” (James 1:17) littered all around me.
Joy, in the soft skin of my newborn, in the sound of his breathing as he sleeps, the little fussing, rooting noises he makes when he’s hungry. Joy in the laughter of my 3 year old as he asks me to throw him on the bed, forcing me to pause in my morning routine, or in the leaves and flowers he picks just for me. Joy in the smiles of my daughter, in the beauty of each coil and kink in her hair. Joy in holding my oldest son’s hand as we walk in the humid air to the bus stop, crunching leaves and praying for a good day at school and for God to make his timid heart brave. Joy in the smell of coffee in the morning, the sweetness of sugar and creamer, and this Mary Poppins mug that reminds me of our Disney vacation. Joy in the sound of the Roomba cleaning my floors (hallelujah!) Joy in singing and dancing around the house like a fool to catchy pop music. Joy in puffy clouds and sunlight breaking through. Joy in laying in bed with my husband at the end of the day, worn out from living, loving, and working, giving everything we have to the jobs we’ve been called to. Joy in quiet moments of serenity and loud moments of of chaos. Joy in a God who is with me in the happy circumstances and the horrible ones.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
