Adoption,  Faith,  Family,  Grace

Profile Books and Patiently Waiting

FullSizeRender 26When an expectant parent comes to Bethany, or a mother who has given birth in the hospital, she will receive counseling to help her work through options for herself and her child. This really is nonjudgemental and unbiased counseling. Our social worker told us that only about 1/3 of the mothers that come to Bethany end up placing a child for adoption through Bethany. That number actually makes me happy because I know that their focus is truly on taking care of women and helping them decide what is best without pressuring them to adopt. If/when she is sure that adoption is her choice she will talk with her counselor about what kind of life and family she wants for her child. Some women are very specific and others are not. When a woman gives her preferences the counselor will come up with a list of families that meet those criteria. If there are many families that meet her criteria then the families who have been waiting the longest will be shown. If she has more specific criteria and a smaller number of families match that she may be shown all of them. John and I have spent a lot of time praying and considering what our preferences are in regards to risk factor, number of children, special needs, etc. We feel that God is calling us to this adoption and he has reassured us that He has every child in our family in His hands, so we have completely opened our preferences to be available for whatever child God has planned.

When I say ‘shown families’ I mean that she (and the father if he is involved) is handed photo books of families that have basic information—names, year of birth, occupation, personality, ‘how we met’, and some additional information on style of parenting, how we plan to discuss adoption, etc.. Along with the text, the more important part is pictures. The book is limited to 20 pages. The goal is to make it visually appealing, balance the amount of text so that it’s easily read, and have pictures that portray who we are. We want to put our best foot forward but also need to be genuine. I don’t want a mother to pick us because she thinks we’re perfect. I don’t know if you know this but… we are not. (Phew, I said it!). I want her to choose us because she believes that we are the best fit for her child. Portraying who we are in 20 pages was surprisingly difficult. I edited and edited and edited that book, and then sent it to our social worker who suggested more edits, which I did along with a few more edits. I finally ended up with a book that I am content with and hope that it really does reflect who we are as a family. Once an expectant parent has chosen a family from the books she’s looked at, a meeting will be set up for the families to meet and decide on both sides if the match is a good fit.

IMG_5711One of the things I enjoyed in the process, besides the walk down memory lane through a decade of our pictures, was spending time thinking about our family and our parenting and boiling down who we are and what is most important to us. During this process I attended a wonderful MOPS meeting where my pastor’s wife reminded me that I’m not raising my sons to be ‘good’ and blindly follow the rules, I’m raising my sons to know God and become godly men. All of this gave me a clear picture of what our values are: love and grace. We want to share those unconditionally with everyone. That’s a tall order, and one I’m not sure that we successfully follow 100% of the time, but I want my sons to grow up in a family where they know they are completely loved by us and more importantly by God. I want them to know that they need grace, we need grace, and everyone they meet desperately needs grace. I pray that they experience grace from God, see it in practice from us, and share it with the people they meet. Like I said, a tall order, but I know God can equip us and them with the right heart.

There is one other thing that God has laid on my heart recently, and it’s a tough one. I came into this blog with the goal of being open and honest about this process. I thought that meant I would just tell everybody what’s happening on the adoption front, but I have learned in these past few months that adoption is not just a series of steps that lead you to a baby. Adoption is a sanctifying process where God drastically changes you. God adopted us into His family through the blood of Jesus and to step into a role that is symbolic of that adds weight to this entire process. I know this is God’s plan for us, and God has absolutely and unquestionably put a longing in my heart for this child and his** mother. I love them both dearly and cannot wait to share my love with them. But God has also convicted me that I should not long for anyone or anything more than I long for Him. Ouch. That’s exactly what I have done. I took something wonderful and beautiful, truly a gift from God, and I let that be my focus. It is no question that God has used these last few months to draw me closer to Him through our circumstances and adoption. But it is also no question that I shifted my focus to long for the baby instead of his Creator.

IMG_5757I’m thankful for God’s patience, grace, and refinement. There’s a lot of work to do. I hope that one day when our children read this blog or the journal that I’ve been keeping that they struggle to connect the woman writing this with the woman they know. Honestly, I’d just like to be more like my mom.

Fundraising:

May 14 our Crossfit gym is having a family day and fundraiser for us. Please come and meet our ‘family’ here in Virginia Beach, have some fun (you can even try a workout, but don’t have to), and support the next fee of our adoption.

We are also selling t-shirts inspired by our Crossfit family. The front says “Lift, Love, Adopt”, and the back says “Family is More Than Blood.” These are available until May 18. Order them through this website and they will be shipped directly to you after they are printed when our campaign ends. We receive over $9 for every t-shirt sold, and we are already at 25% of our goal, so please help us keep going strong! https://www.bonfirefunds.com/robertson-adoption-fund

Finances:

To give a quick recap, we’ve already raised over $1500. Our next fee due is $9000, so we’ve got $7500 left to fund. This is due in a couple weeks when the paperwork for our home study is complete and we’ve gotten official approval. After approval is complete we can start applying for grants, which we hope will cover the majority of the next fee, so we believe the largest financial burden will be the one we are currently facing. (I sure hope I’m right…) IMG_6041

**My pronoun usage/thoughts have begun shifting back and forth from she to he. Of course, we still don’t know who we are adopting, so it remains to be seen. As much as I’d love a girl, I do love being a ‘boy mom’…

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well… How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.” Psalm 139: 14, 17-18