Impossible

“It’s impossible.” I told God.

Well, I didn’t tell him those exact words, my actions did. I stopped praying for something that’s been heavy on my heart. I gave up hope. I know he’s the God of miracles, but I’ve been praying for years and this thing felt too far gone. I became frustrated praying for something that repeatedly went unanswered. My persistence didn’t seem to pay off, things are no better than when I started praying.

It is extremely hard to have faith in God when it feels like he’s letting you down. My mind attempts mental gymnastics to not face the reality that God can simultaneously be sovereign and still allow heartache and pain. It seems contradictory and unfair to read “Nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37) and “Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both good and ill go forth?” (Lamentations 3:38). Sometimes it feels easier to say that something is impossible for God rather than admitting that it’s possible but he has not done it.

I’ve walked this impossible road before; the impossibility of our daughter’s life. I will never forget the grim picture doctors painted of a child who would join our family but never know or interact with us and the world around her. The child that they expected to pass away before ever celebrating a birthday. The child they thought we were crazy to adopt. To them, her very life was impossible. Yet here we are about to celebrate her third birthday. I stand on the other side of those days having wrestled with the fact that though her life is miraculous, God didn’t heal her in all the ways I would have chosen. And since I’ve seen God do the impossible before, I can trust, even in this situation, that he will do it again.

It seems that my spiritual walk is taking the same steps over and over again but on rockier terrain; like taking the basics of addition and multiplication and applying them to higher level math. Or so I assume— my spiritual walk may have progressed in the last decade, but my math skills have declined. God has given me many opportunities to practice my baby steps and today, I continue to inch forward and choose to leave impossible behind.

“Nothing is impossible with God”.

I accept that as truth, but with an attitude of surrender. A heart that also accepts this truth, “‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’” (Isaiah 55:8-9).

When I allow those two truths to live in my heart, I can accept God’s sovereignty in all things, and I can say I am learning “to be content in whatever circumstances I am… I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:11 & 13).