Home Study and Happy Birthday
Superman is 3. That’s right folks, we’ve got a full fledged 3 year old on our hands. Which blows my mind because I can’t believe this crazy kid has been bringing joy into our lives for a full 3 years. Over the past year my son has become a very talkative and imaginative child able to be understood (mostly) by anyone without the aide of his parental interpreters. He has perfected the art of pushing my buttons and is now asking ‘why’ about everything. For a few weeks my answers were thought out and logical. Now they are ‘because I said so’. He has learned to count, sing the ABC’s and a host of other songs, and has even learned 2 Bible verses and begun to pray. Hearing him thank God for things that make him happy is pure joy in my life.
Our home study has also been completed and we are waiting for paperwork to be processed and given our approval. It was much simpler than I expected, and yet still emotionally stressful to me. Note that I specifically said me, no one else in my family was stressed by this. But my wonderful husband was very understanding and did not question the amount of cleaning that I was insistent on. The stuffed animals were arranged neatly in their basket, countertops were sparkling, and the diffuser ran nonstop to make sure that our house smelled of citrusy freshness and not dog. I do not think any of this was noticed by our social worker, because obviously stuffed animal arranging skills do not make for a qualified parent.
The first interview focused on questions regarding our life and how we’re involved in our community. It was kind of like a first date, you are eased into the process with questions about what you do rather than who you are; ‘what’s a typical day like’ and ‘what groups do you belong to’ etc. Nothing too intense, but we were able to ask a lot of questions. And by we I mean I. I asked lots of questions, it’s what I do.
The second interview was at the office and we did them separately. These were the big questions, more like job interview meets third date. Questions ranged from ‘describe yourself’ to ‘tell me about your relationship with your parents’. At the end of the interview John was asked, “Is there anything else I should know about you,” to which he replied “No, I’m pretty sure you know everything. Probably more than my wife.” Who knows what they talked about, but I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall in that interview.
The next step in this process was training. This is the training that should have occurred in January, but Winter Storm Jonas prevented us from attending. Because of my personality in asking questions and doing research beforehand, not much information was new to us. Still, it was wonderfully reaffirming to hear people who had traveled this path. It was also beautiful, and sometimes heartbreaking to hear how God had worked in the lives of all the speakers. There was truly a genuine faith and a trust in God. I guess I expected the process to be “christian” like many colleges that claim the title. It was not that. The people who spoke to us have seen God work in their lives, sometimes through stillbirths, loss of a child, and failed adoptions to bring them to the life and child that God had prepared for them. The most poignant thing I heard was from doctor who spoke on grief and loss; his wife had 3 stillbirths and he talked about asking God why through his pain and receiving no answer. He said, if you look at Christ on the cross you see that even he asked a ‘why’ question to God and was met with only silence; Jesus understands our hurt and frustration when we ask why and receive no answer.
The other big take away I received from the training was a better glimpse at the experience of birth mothers. A woman who chooses adoption is not ‘giving up’ her child. She is placing their needs above her own and will suffer grief and sometimes regret and questioning her decision by placing her child for adoption. This is on going throughout her life, she will most likely deal with the stages of grief on and off through the years. I can’t help but be awed by a woman who chooses this path, who chooses life for her child, who chooses a family that she believes will love her child and give them a better life. John and I are praying for the birth mother of our child. Before we started this process I hoped for a child, but now I’m hoping for a relationship with both of them.
The final step for us was the last interview. This occurred in our home to verify that we had corrected the way our cleaning products were stored and that we bought a fire extinguisher. The final questions were about our marriage and how we handle conflict, how we parent, and because our children are so young we described their personalities, though our worker did interact with them some. Older children are actually interviewed, but obviously she wasn’t going to get anything out of Batman other than “mommy” and Superman just wanted to play shadow puppets with her. Fun fact, Batman said ‘bye’ to our social worker, and it was the first time he’d ever said it. Kind of a big deal since he’s our kiddo who has decided that any word other than mommy is useless.
The big part of the final interview was talking over our preferences, like number of children, gender, transracial (meaning a child of any race other than our own), mental illness history in birth parents, etc. These questions can be scary to answer because we’re trying to make decisions on a future that can’t be known. We have worried about how being open to certain factors could affect our family, we have to make the decision that is best for all 3 (or more) of our children. We began the process fairly open to all possibilities, but there were a few options we were fearful of. God used the home study time to reassure us in His divine plan and remind us that He will provide for our entire family and will equip us to handle the unique needs that come with each of our children. In getting that reassurance from God we have decided that He is calling us to be open to all of the options discussed. I do not believe that He would call every family to that, but understanding that this is His plan for us gives us peace in the unknown.
And that’s it. Now we wait for the paperwork to be written up, reviewed, and approved. Since the document is at least 17 pages long it may take a while before official approval is given. When approval is given we owe our Program I fee, which is $9000. We’ve fundraised over $1500 which is great, and are exploring loan options to cover the rest. John has already begun filling out grant applications that he will submit once our home study is approved so that hopefully we can cover the Placement fee ($13,600) with grants and this will be the only loan we need to take.
FUNDRAISING:
May 14 our Crossfit gym will be hosting a family day fundraiser for us. It will be lots of fun for all members of the family, and there will be lots of fun ways to donate (thinking water balloons and burpees, but you’ll have to come and donate to see for yourself!!)
TBD: We are also planning on a Donut and Ice Cream fundraiser with our favorite shop. I will let you know once we’ve nailed down a date.
GoFundMe: We still have our page. While we’ve done most of our fundraising in person, this option is always available! https://www.gofundme.com/z2cjnu78
“In their hearts humans establish their course, but the Lord establishes their steps” Proverbs 16:9
