Fruit & Consequences

My nephew sat at our kitchen table writing scripture, a consequence for something he had done. I sat across from him overseeing his progress. As children are known to do, he was whining and crying, arguing and bargaining, anything and everything he possibly could to get out of the simple task.

“If I say it to you 5 times can I just write it 4 times?”

“No.”

“Grandpa lets me do it that way.”

“I’m not.”

Heavy sobs burst out, “but it’s so hard!”

“I know.”

“But I’ve been working real hard at not fighting this week.”

“You have, I’m really proud of you.”

“It’s taking so long and I’m missing my video game time.”

“Well, you’ve only written a couple words and have spent the rest of the time trying to get out of it, so yeah.”

“It’s not fair! I can say it all, ‘But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” He rattles off the verse as quickly as possible.

“Great job! Keep writing.”

“No one’s giving me any joy!” he hollers.

I do my best not to laugh, “That’s not how it works bud.”

He kept looking up at me with his beautiful blue eyes, giving me puppy eyes worthy of an ASPCA commercial. His persistence with this tactic was admirable but completely ineffective at gaining my sympathy. While he was writing and whining, I was doing everything not to lose my own self-control. After 45 minutes of this, I stepped into another room to call my husband and vent my frustration.

“Why are you punishing me?” I asked.

“Uhh…” he replied.

“You are making him write the fruit of the spirit 5 times, for 7 days! I have to do this an entire week?! Did you think how miserable this was going to make the rest of us?”

“It’s a learning opportunity for everyone,” he said.

“I would punch you,” I quipped, “But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.”

We both laughed and ended the phone call. He returned to work and I went back to the table to calmly enforce the consequences and steeled myself to listen to whining however long it took.

What my nephew couldn’t see that day, and what my kids in general don’t see, is that I’m practicing patience and self-control all day, every day. Learning the fruit of the spirit is a life long endeavor, and far more difficult than rattling off a list I learned when I was 6. It goes against my entire nature; that’s why it’s the Fruit of the Spirit and not the fruit of me. The fruit of Lauren looks more like standing in a house full of children yelling for everyone to stop yelling. It’s as ineffective with my kids as their puppy eyes are on me.

Seeing this fruit in my life is only achieved with time in God’s word, prayer in the morning, and desperate, whispered prayers throughout the day of “dear Jesus don’t let me lose my temper right now.” It’s the pained experience of standing toe-to-toe with my whiny, argumentative, disobedient child and finding the strength to be patient and gentle. It’s finding joy in all circumstances, even the ones where everything falls apart and I question why in the world I thought we could leave the house on time with 4 kids and no tears. It’s loving my husband  even when I’m mad at him, and handling conflicts peacefully instead of lashing out with aggression. It’s kindness and goodness towards the people that irritate me. It’s the self-control to tamp down my frustration even when it’s warranted. And it’s faithfulness in doing it again and again, getting it right sometimes and apologizing for the other times. Whatever combination of writing sentences, memorization, practice, and tears it takes, it’s worth the effort.

Therefore, my beloved brothers and sisters, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the work of the Lord [always doing your best and doing more than is needed], being continually aware that your labor [even to the point of exhaustion] in the Lord is not futile nor wasted [it is never without purpose].— 1 Corinthians 15:58 (AMP)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control— Galatians 5:22-23a