Clingy Toddlers
Sweet baby Flash isn’t such a baby anymore. At 18 months old, we’ve got a toddler in the house again, and this little boy lives up to his nickname. Turn your head for a second, and he’s gone, scaling furniture, digging through cabinets, and getting into mischief. He knows what he wants, and he goes after it. When he’s not getting what he wants, he’s quite vocal. I do believe he’s the most opinionated and expressive of the Robertson children. Heaven help us. Aside from the yelling at me portion, I do love this phase. I love that Flash recognizes me as the one who meets his needs. I’m the…
- Adoption, Depression, Faith, Family, Grief, Hydranencephaly, Life, Love, patience, Special Needs, Special Needs Parenting, Unexpected
National Adoption Month
November is National Adoption Month. It’s also the month that Wonder Woman was born, and marks the day we heard those life changing words over the phone, “She is yours.” My cell reception was awful that night and the audio cut in and out as I paced across blue kitchen tile and said her name over and over to our social worker, hoping she would accurately hear it. This name was treasured by us and had been held in my heart for years as I waited for a baby girl. The most important thing—the only thing—I could do for our little girl right then was give her her name. Despite…
- Adoption, Faith, Family, Hope, Hydranencephaly, Life, Special Needs, Special Needs Parenting, Unexpected
Impossible
“It’s impossible.” I told God. Well, I didn’t tell him those exact words, my actions did. I stopped praying for something that’s been heavy on my heart. I gave up hope. I know he’s the God of miracles, but I’ve been praying for years and this thing felt too far gone. I became frustrated praying for something that repeatedly went unanswered. My persistence didn’t seem to pay off, things are no better than when I started praying. It is extremely hard to have faith in God when it feels like he’s letting you down. My mind attempts mental gymnastics to not face the reality that God can simultaneously be sovereign and…
- Adoption, Depression, Family, Grief, Hydranencephaly, Life, Pressure, Special Needs, Special Needs Parenting, Unexpected
Red Rover
It was sunset, and I was driving south down a long road. Looking to the west out my passenger window I could see for miles. There was an unobstructed view of the mountains, silhouetted and backlit by a gorgeous orange glow. The sun had sunk below the peaks, its radiance shining upward, turning the sky into a stunning display of colors, blending yellows, oranges, pinks, and purples in an ombre affect only God could create. Out my driver’s side window to the east the view was dark, mixed hues of purples and blues, and lit by the bright orb of an almost full moon. Beautiful in its own right, but…
- Adoption, Depression, Faith, Family, Grief, Hope, Hydranencephaly, Life, Pressure, Special Needs, Special Needs Parenting, Unexpected
What Happened in the Fire?
I don’t know why it’s so easy to flippantly read about God’s miracles. Why don’t I get excited and jazzed every time I read about how he healed a blind man with spit or commanded the wind and waves to be still. Maybe it’s the unintentional byproduct of growing up in church that somehow these stories become “normal” to me. There’s nothing normal about the miraculous. You might be familiar with the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. It’s found in the third chapter of Daniel in the Bible. It’s one many children hear growing up, which is interesting because it’s just one chapter. Their names are mentioned in the…
The Exhausting Mundane
We’ve entered a new phase of life. I call it The Exhausting Mundane. It was a gradual slip into this new normal, and it’s been hard for me to wrap my brain around it. I guess that’s why it has taken me so long to update our blog. On paper, things are easier. Superman is now 5 years old, he’s incredibly helpful and independent. Batman is growing up too and there’s been a giant jump in his independence, especially when combined with help from big brother. Wonder Woman is out of what I’d call the acute phase. She’s now 18 months old and for the most part, she’s a very…
One Year Later: A Medical Update
We have now had Wonder Woman in our arms for a full year. I can’t wrap my head around all that has happened, all that we have survived together. As many of you know, and we haven’t been shy to share, it was statistically unlikely that she would live for a whole year. I’d like to take this time to update you medically on where we are at, what her future holds, and answer what I can about her prognosis from this point on. To say that it was unlikely she would reach her first birthday to me rings as both true and untrue. Because her system is so fragile,…
The In Between
You may have noticed it’s been a while since my last post. I’ve written and rewritten this blog multiple times and have yet to publish it. Mainly because one day I write and feel one way and the next day I write and feel another. Some days it feels too whiny, other days too depressing, and other days too fake. I’ve promised honesty here, and to come and pretend that everything is sunshine and rainbows would be disingenuous. But to be morose and talk only about the depression I’m facing or the grief I’m trying to process wouldn’t be entirely honest either. I’m in the in-between. I have a newborn,…
Hospital Stays & Grace for Days
I’m adjusting to being a family of 5. I’ve always heard that going from 2 to 3 is difficult, and I can now attest that is not a lie. (Not that I ever imagined it was). Trying to get out of the house… Dear friend, please give up on the hope of me ever being anywhere on time again. Since arriving in Texas our little girl has been showered with love by friends and family and I absolutely love it. (She received the same in Arkansas!) Our boys have also been getting the spoiled. I fear that their idea of Christmas time now means bunches of people giving them presents day…
Things I Didn’t Expect
An extreme outpouring of love: I’m sorry, dear friends, that I underestimated you. I truly expected people to ask why we were doing this. Or worse, people who were afraid to love our baby girl because of the inevitable loss (that we’re praying is years and years away). But that’s not what we found. We found hundreds of people who are excited for our little one. Tons of people who love her and want to shower her, and us, with that love for as long as possible. Thank you for blowing me away with your beautiful hearts. Hormones: I thought if I didn’t birth a baby I wouldn’t be an…
