Welcome to the World Little One

Welcome the newest edition to our family! In keeping with our theme here, let’s call her Wonder Woman. And she certainly is our little wonder. She came to us in a whirlwind of surprise and activity and we are thrilled to have her.

The day before Thanksgiving we were told about two different special needs babies, one in Arkansas and another in a different state, and asked if we would like to be adoptive families for either of them. We were under the impression that there wasn’t much of a hurry to make a decision, but we knew we would make one before the offices were open on Monday. At this point I knew only that the baby was a girl, a newborn, and had a severe condition that would mean a shortened life expectancy. We felt God’s confirmation of what He has been telling us all along, so this is what we emailed to our social worker on Sunday: “We have felt that God is calling us to open our hearts to all placements and to trust that He will bring us to the right child at the right time and prepare us as a family to face whatever unique needs they may have.”

On Monday afternoon I was feeling a little impatient and texted our social worker to ask if she had heard anything about the baby in Arkansas. I couldn’t help but think that because the baby’s time with her family would be limited, that they would want every moment possible with her. She told me no, she had not heard back, and would contact us when she had. Obviously I knew her answer before she told me, but I had to ask. She called me back about 15 minutes later. I expected what usually followed from these phone calls: they’ll make a decision on x date, there’s x number of families also being considered, or they chose someone else. She was the 6th adoptive placement we had submitted our profile for and despite being sad and a little heartbroken every time, I was getting used to the answer no. And then all of a sudden, the answer was yes.

Yes, the agency wants you. Yes, they loved your profile and they think you are the perfect family for this little girl. I was stunned, sitting on my couch with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse playing in the background. Batman was running around doing what he does, and John and Superman were taking a nap together. My world was spinning with excitement, joy, and trepidation. My phone started cutting in and out during this momentous conversation, so I began pacing around the kitchen like the Verizon Wireless man, ‘Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?’. I needed to tell our social worker the most important piece of the puzzle, her name. After repeating it multiple times over a crackling phone, she heard me. Our baby had an official name, the one we have been saving for 4 years. My girl that I knew in my heart existed was finally in our world, and she had her name. She was claimed.

I cried on the phone, our social worker cried, it was a special moment. We were taking on something momentous and it was all because of God who is faithful. We were the only family across the country who said yes, and we were the perfect family. When the phone call was finished I headed upstairs to tell my husband, we cried happy tears together and then immediately began planning the next steps. It was Monday evening and our little one would be discharged from the hospital on Thursday. In less than 72 hours, she would be in our arms.

Maybe one day I’ll write about the frenzy of activity that happened during the first 24 hours trying to get out the door. I was a little crazy, a little stressed, a little anxious (and I also might be a underplaying that a little). I wanted so badly to be out of my house, but first I needed to clean it and find someone to watch the dogs and find someone to supervise my washer/dryer installation, and find a hotel for half way, and find the baby clothes and car seat and co-sleeper, and oh yeah, we’re going to have a newborn again how does that work?? But we managed it, 24 hours later we were out the door, thanks to some wonderful and dear friends who stepped up to help us out in big ways.

We drove 6 hours on Tuesday and then 9 hours on Wednesday to arrive at John’s parent’s house in Northern Arkansas where they retired a few years ago, a God ordained circumstamce I am sure. Grammy had picked up some things for our girl and helped get us ready, and Thursday morning we were making the 2 hour drive to her hospital, while our boys were running amuck with their grandparents, happy as can be. Walking up to the hospital doors I felt shaky and nervous. (At least this time when I met my child my hair and makeup would be done for the pictures. It’s the small things.) Our social worker met us at the NICU and a nurse took us back to our girl. The moment I saw her tears of joy flooded my eyes. This is what God has been preparing us for the past year. This little girl is the answer to our prayers and the prayers of countless people across the country. This little girl is beautifully and wonderfully made (Ps 139:14), and she is ours. I held her and snuggled and soaked up every minute with tears dripping down my cheeks onto my dress. This wasn’t love at first sight, I already loved her.

After a too short period with my girl, we met with her palliative care team, a group of social workers and a doctor who explained to us what the future will look like for our little one. She has a condition called Hydranencephaly: “Hydranencephaly is a rare neurological condition in which most of the cerebral hemispheres are absent and replaced with fluid.” I recommend this site for more information: http://hydranencephaly.com/

Our daughter has a brain stem and a very small amount of brain tissue. She is currently a typical newborn doing typical newborn things. Her head is enlarged from the fluid, but it is not painful to her. She cannot see, but she did pass her hearing test, so I believe she will know the sound of our voices.

When babies are born their necessary reflexes are in their brain stem (eating, breathing, crying when hungry, etc), which is why she is currently a typical newborn, she eats from a bottle, she cries, she’s adorable, and she is a great snuggler. However, as time progresses, those reflexes move into the brain to continue their tasks. Since she has very little brain matter, if any, it remains to be seen how much of that she will be able to do on her own in the coming months. She may lose the ability to suck/bottle feed, she may not know she is hungry, and eventually, she will stop breathing. I know that’s a lot to take in. I cry every time I think about it, you’re not alone.

If we do not do any medical intervention (no shunt, feeding tube, or trach tube), she will not live past a year. As a family, we have to decide what medical intervention we feel is right for our daughter. While medical professionals will have their opinions, in a unique case like Wonder Woman’s, there really are no right or wrong decisions, only the decisions we make. We’ve begun discussing what feels right to us, and I believe we know our line. The next step is deciding when we would want to do some of the intervention, because anesthesia is very risky.

So what does this mean for our family? It means that God is faithful. That He promised us he would provide us a child, and she is here. That he took care of all of our finances, because we are not going to have to pay the $13,000 placement fee for her. That even though He is calling us down a path that will be hard and will be filled with heart break, that He will still see us through it (Ps 23:4). Jesus overcame death when He died on the cross. God Himself has personally experienced the extreme and aching death of a child. We are not alone. And when the day comes that God takes her home, God will comfort us until we are together again. I fully believe, with every ounce of my being, that one day I will meet my daughter in heaven and she will talk to me, she will hold me, and together we will worship the God who created us.

Coming to a place where we could even begin to consider the adoption of a child like Wonder Woman has been no small task. It has been God patiently working in our hearts, constantly reminding us of his sovereignty, power, and that even when we don’t understand it, His plan is perfect and for His glory. Wonder Woman’s days are numbered (Ps 139:16), but she has a purpose. I’m already watching how God is changing our family for His glory, I’ve seen how she has blessed her social workers and her interim care family. Every person who knows her loves her, and I am so incredibly thankful to be her mother. I am thankful that God called us, that we get to experience obedience and the true peace of surrender to His will. I’m thankful that through our little girl we will know Him more intimately, and that we get to love her while she is here (1 John 4:19). I know the road God called us to isn’t easy, I cry many times a day overwhelmed with this mix of emotions, but I’m still filled with joy. And I am thankful that God will continue to patiently remind me of His promises when my natural inclination to fear or doubt comes in. …I will never leave you nor forsake you. Joshua 1:5

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4

My frame was not hidden from you, when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:15-16

We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:15

The song of my heart: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0dIWJ4t4Jg