Living with Fear

Winter is finally coming to a close here in Colorado. The sun is out and lighting up this colorful state with fireball sunrises and brilliant blue skies, and I am finally able to enjoy this place again. I sat outside yesterday, soaking up the warmth that I’ve missed, and listened to my boys play. I love to hear them play, their imagination and creativity at work, the sounds of fun. Over the noise of their yelling (do boys play any games without yelling?), I could hear the word ‘coronavirus’ repeated. I paused my writing to listen and figure out what in the world was going on and determined that the boys were playing tag with a ball. Whoever got hit was ‘it,’ and the ball was “coronavirus.” With the weird morbidity of Ring around the Rosie, my kids were now playing a game inspired by a pandemic.

Of course, they know very little about this whole business. Other than constant reminders to wash their hands, keep fingers out of noses, and cover coughs— a continuous battle in my house regardless of season— life here has been the same as usual for my kids. But apparently, they’ve heard enough at school and from other kids for the word ‘coronavirus’ to have made it into their vocabulary and imaginary play.

I am both amazed and bewildered by the state of social media and the news these days, thanks to Covid-19. I think we all are sitting in this place of shock and wondering, should I be worried or not? What’s over-exaggeration, and what’s proper caution? The beauty of our generation is the access to massive amounts of information, but it can be confusing to sift through. It’s a bit overwhelming, this wonderful world we live in with it’s dynamic physical and virtual places. My family actually lives in an area that has confirmed cases of Covid-19. I know the nature of these viruses, they spread as fast as rumors, and the rumors spread as inaccurately as a game of telephone. The infected person was at such-and-such-place and later that day so-and-so went there, and then we met up for coffee, and now maybe it’s possible that potentially we’ve been exposed. The fear creeps in, or it doesn’t so much creep in but busts through the wall like the Kool-Aid man, crumbling my confidence.

It’s scary to realize that there are microscopic germs that have devastating consequences. It’s a helpless feeling because you can’t control their spread or how well people wash their hands or cover their coughs. There are sick people all around, some symptomatic and some not, and they’re not purposefully getting others sick, and yet, it happens, it spreads. You want to cocoon your family to keep them protected, but it’s not possible, life must be lived. Through social media or the news, you see the way it’s devastated people across the world, and know that those numbers mean thousands of families who will never see their loved one again. It breaks your heart and instills fear.

This fear and I are intimately familiar because these are the fears of all families with loved ones in the “At-Risk” category. The devastating consequences of Covid-19 are the same devastating consequences of Influenza A/B, RSV, or the thousands of viruses out there with a runny nose, no special name, and horrific complications. We see other families like us take their children to the hospital and leave without them, we see up close and personal the devastation of the common cold, and our heart breaks and trembles with fear that our child will be next. My daughter is always “At-Risk”, so I want to hide away during cold and flu season, to protect my kids from all of these things we cannot see. But that’s not possible, feasible, or fair to them, so we work and play and go to school and pray that when my daughter gets sick, she’ll recover.

Like every other family, we are doing our best to make decisions with wisdom, to protect our family and community, but not be dominated by fear. These are the same kind of choices I make every cold and flu season, just heightened by the nationwide panic. I can’t say what the next few months will look like, I don’t know how many times I’ll fight my anxiety and fear over this virus, and I don’t know what horrible impacts it might have in my circle. But I know God is enough. He can calm my fear, He can protect my family, and He is good in every season, even the cold, flu, and coronavirus one.

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Isaiah 26:3

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7