Limitless Love & Unshakeable Hope

This morning God stopped me in my tracks in the most beautiful way. I was sitting down with my cup of coffee doing my Bible study while the boys played on their iPads and Wonder Woman laid on the floor, hooked up to her feeding pump. Superman laid down next to her and snuggled, then decided to change her. He took off her pajamas, picked a clean onesie from her drawer, and (with my help) proceeded to get her dressed. I cried. The love this little boy shows his sister is so beautiful and pure it’s almost shameful to watch, because as a mother I struggle to love so purely and simply.

This week has been a tough week for me. I thought coming to my parents house would be a nice vacation. And while I am blessed to have parents who will watch all 3 of my kids and a mom who learned how to give meds and work the feeding pump, I’ve still been exhausted. Wonder Woman had an ambulance ride and overnight hospital stay because of seizures days after arriving here. She’s been spitting up frequently and I’m worrying and second guessing myself over what I can/should do about it. Her meds have needed to be adjusted while here and getting refills for her prescriptions has been a pain and an unexpected expense. I’ve had to schedule appointments and figure out logistics for meeting her needs while we’re 1500 miles away from her doctors. She’s been grumpy and hating her wheelchair, and in general not wanting to go anywhere. And the boys, for the most part they’ve been great, but our routine is different, and that’s hard. Factor in an eclipse which made everyone all kinds of crazy, and you find yourself with a vacation that’s not so much a vacation.

If I’m not careful, I find myself allowing resentment to creep in. It stems from selfishness, a sin that I constantly struggle with. Why can’t things be the way I want them? Why can’t my kids let me sleep in? Why do I have to be the one who makes all the phone calls and has become a walking encyclopedia of my daughter’s condition, medicine, and bowel movements. Speaking of the bathroom, why won’t anyone let me go in peace? The more I focus on those thoughts, the more resentment weaves its way into my heart and life. It starts like a plantar’s wart, small and unnoticed, but it begins to weave its way deeper and deeper, causing pain with every step. It anchors itself and locks in, looking innocuous on the outside, but tainting everything it touches.

This morning I sat with my coffee cup, which reads “Start your day with gratitude.” God patiently reminded me of how far He has brought me, I’m not the same girl I was 5 years ago, or even a year ago. He showed me my beautiful little girl and her kind and compassionate big brother, reminding me that “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights who does not change like the shifting shadows.” James 1:17. He reminded me that He has loved me without limitation, and He calls me to do the same for my children, my husband, my friends and family, strangers, and even my enemies. He reminded me that I am capable of loving as selflessly as my 4 year old son does. This morning was spent practicing. Practicing gratitude for what’s been given to me, opening my eyes to my rainbows rather than my storms. I pulled out my mandolin and practiced worship, clumsily plucking the strings, playing the few chords I know, letting my voice rise to the God whose name is beautiful and powerful. Praising the God who is the anchor of my soul, firm and secure (Hebrews 6:19).

There is hope in the promise of the cross

You gave everything to save the world You love

And this hope is an anchor for my soul

Our God will stand, Unshakeable

I am so thankful for a God who shames me for my own good. Who forces me to confront my failures because He wants to make me more like Him.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.  Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:1-2

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:9-12