Hello July!

It’s July, my favorite month of the year! It is the month that we celebrate America’s birthday, Flash’s birthday (y’all remember that wild day), my birthday, and my anniversary. When I think of this month, I think of watermelon and sweet tea, sunshine and sunburns, summer vacation and celebrations. My husband gets a little tired of all these dates to recognize, but sorry, not sorry; I love any excuse to eat charcoal-grilled hamburgers and have cake.

This year, July is more dear to me than usual. It is month 7 of the calendar year, meaning we did it; we have survived half of 2020 and this crazy roller coaster we’re on. And that accomplishment means something because this year has been wearing me down. It hasn’t been big things, praise the Lord, my family has been healthy and safe. But it’s been all of these little things, disappointments, and frustrations chipping away at my mental resiliency. It all started New Years Day when I was feeling sick (feels ominous, right?) Turned out it was a nasty case of strep. January ended with my husband getting the flu, then my mother, and Valentine’s Day was celebrated with our youngest two kids sick with the flu as well. And then March came, the month of cancellations, and we all remember what happened. In our household, cancellations included our family ski trip, tickets to Dancing with the Stars Live, and my son broke his collar bone. Then came April with its distance learning headache, celebrating our eldest child’s birthday with no friends, and Easter Sunday via Facebook Live. May came along, the school year ended, our kids unable to say goodbye to their schoolmates, and the days blurred together in an endless boring loop. June was heart-wrenching and eye-opening in our nation, and in my family, we faced the awkward struggle of balancing the risks of mental vs. physical health, and found out our daughter’s Make-A-Wish trip is postponed for a year or more.

If it sounds like I’m whining, I guess I am. But that’s okay to do sometimes. It’s okay to acknowledge that things are hard. I don’t need someone to put it in perspective for me and say, “at least you didn’t have…,” because I know my problems were/are small. But disappointments, cancellations, and a loss of normal, they chip away, which needs to be acknowledged. I think a lot of us have weathered these challenges with a smile on our face and pushing the negative emotions away. We “at least” ourselves, and in doing so, let our inner voice say that we shouldn’t complain because someone else has it worse. Someone else does have it worse, and someone else has it better, but this isn’t about comparison, it’s about acknowledging.

We acknowledge that this is hard, and it’s okay to feel like it. Acknowledge that canceling things you’ve looked forward to makes your heart hurt, and that’s normal. Acknowledge that disappointment stinks, and sometimes we need to have a brief pity party to help us move past it. Because we can’t “get over it” if we never acknowledge it; if we’re burying these hard feelings or sidestepping them or finding creative ways to avoid it, we aren’t dealing with them. And if we don’t deal, we won’t move past, and one day you might find yourself sitting at the kitchen table crying into your hands because your husband has delivered an innocuous piece of news which becomes the drop that breaks the dam.

Psalms 62:8 says, “Trust at Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah.” It doesn’t say trust and buck up because God’s got this. It doesn’t mean trust and bottle up your emotions because if you trusted you wouldn’t be struggling. It says to trust and take it all to God because he is where we find refuge from disappointments and heartache, and yes, He’s got this. So I’m acknowledging here that I am not a fan of 2020. But we’re halfway there (… living on a prayer), and I hope the second half of this year has better things in store. And if not, I’ll celebrate when the opportunity presents itself, I’ll pour out my heart to God when the disappointments arise, and I’ll eat sweet watermelons while they’re in season because God’s got this. Happy July!