Happy Birthday to Me

It happened. I turned 30. Do I look older? Do I detect an extra wrinkle? Nope, no new ones, just the ones my 3 kids gave me. The ones on my forehead were earned with brows furrowed from frustration or raised in the disbelief of ‘did my toddler really just do that?’ The corners of my eyes have a few more crinkles than before, created with the laughs so hard I cried and a life filled with joy. My mouth has a couple new ones too, from pursed lips or smiles, the varying emotions of motherhood.

I guess this is a big birthday, the end of my 20’s. I’m ready to say goodbye, but I am thankful for the things I learned over the past decade. Things like, how to do my makeup and eye liner without looking like a 2000’s emo band. How to style my hair with options beyond straight or ponytail (thanks Pinterest!). How to cook real food that doesn’t come in a Hamburger Helper box. How to back squat my bodyweight. How to be married. How to get a taxi and order dinner Korean. How to survive a deployment. How to catalog library materials and index metadata. How to breastfeed. How to place an NG tube.

I’ve experienced the birth of my children; watched my heart move outside of my body smiling in the faces of my beautiful children. I’ve fallen deeper in love with my husband as we’ve grown as adults and then parents. I’ve grieved with friends over the loss of unborn babies, the dissolution of marriages, the varied heartaches that touch us all. I’ve been full of wanderlust and severely homesick. I’ve been angry at my husband, my kids, and my God. I’ve failed and learned to ask forgiveness from my husband, my kids, and my God. I’ve been blessed by friends and complete strangers, and I’ve gotten to bless others as well. I’ve seen the best in people around me and I’ve confronted the worst in myself.

I’ve learned the art of perspective. The importance of controlling my emotions, my secrets, and my tongue. I’ve felt the sting of hurt pride and survived it. I learned the beauty of humility. I realized the universal truth that my mother was right all along.

I’ve learned what commitment means. What faith entails. What love requires.

“Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3: 12-14

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6