Deck Building

I’m trying to envision what our deck will be like when it’s finished. I imagine the feel of the smooth wood underneath my feet and picture red-stained boards marking the view outside our patio door instead of the existing shifting concrete and ugly gravel. I envision myself lying on a lounge chair, enjoying the warmth of the sun and the quiet of my backyard— obviously, in this dream, my kids aren’t outside at the same time. I think of how wonderful it will be to wheel our daughter outside instead of two-man lifting her and her chair, all 110 lbs of them, down two stairs that feel massive under the load. I can hear the sound of kid squeals and little feet pounding across the wooden boards. This deck is going to be wonderful, but right now, it’s not finished.

When I look out my door, I see a giant box frame half-filled with joists, but no decking to walk on. There are dirt piles all around my yard, fitting in around piles of boards waiting to do their job. There are workbenches, tools, and equipment scattered about, and our outdoor table sits in the grass, unusable. There’s so much potential in what will be, but it’s currently a mess, and we’re still building.

My amazing husband has taken on this project as a labor of love for our family. He’s planned for weeks and has put in hours of hard work, pushing muscles to the limit as he’s lifted and moved thousands of pounds of material. He has problem-solved more than he’s wanted to, handling each hiccup along the way. And while he’s had help from friends to get the project started— God bless them!— the majority of this work has fallen on his shoulders. He has even had to exercise patience as he talks me through how to help him, and consequently, I’ve learned about installing joists, digging with augers past frost lines, mixing/pouring cement, and planing wood. This deck is built with love, but it’s also built with intention and persistence.

I’m struck with the importance of intentionality as I watch this process unfold. This deck, and every inch of progress we’ve made, has taken intentional work. We aren’t nailing together boards and seeing what takes shape; we aren’t even doing much nailing because screws are the right tool for this job— another thing I’ve learned. There’s measuring and leveling and joining together pieces to create a deck of specific proportions and dimensions. There is an end goal to this project, and everything we do works toward that goal.

Friends of ours, who are helpful deck framers and great parents, use the word ‘intentional’ when describing their parenting. I’ve thought a lot about the intentionality they speak of and how it’s required for both parenting and deck building. I notice first that neither requires perfection. Boards are warped, parents are only human, things don’t go as planned, and we work with what we’ve got, making decisions, and correcting mistakes to lead us towards our end goal. But even amid imperfections, we still have to choose to be persistent and intentional to the best of our abilities. The Bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) I think of raising my sons in a way that gives them a firm foundation, one that won’t be destroyed by the harsh elements of the world, and that type of training doesn’t happen by accident, it requires hard work, dedication, and a whole lot of intention, from me. It requires the same level of thought, planning, problem-solving, and persistence that my husband has poured into this deck, and then add 18+ more years of it.

I’m looking out toward the lifetime of this deck and imagining my sons growing as it ages. They’ll be men, possibly even fathers before our deck his reached its limits—at least we hope so. What do I envision? I want my sons to love God. I want them to know the importance of hard work and put it to good use for others and not just their own gain. I want them to see value in everyone and appreciate the unique ways God has created each of his children. I want them to pursue holiness and love in tandem, to find that beautiful balance of righteousness and humility. I want them to be men of integrity who stand for the truth, even when it hurts, and men of grace who show mercy and forgiveness when it’s undeserved. I want them to be confident in the way God made them and use their strength, skill, and talents for His glory and the good of others.

It’s my job to parent my children and work to teach these values intentionally because they won’t happen by accident. Sure, I’ll mess it up some, and we’ll adjust to unique personalities and circumstances as we go. But there’s so much potential in these boys. Sometimes it’s a mess around here, but that’s okay, we’re still building.