Crazy Trains and Time Wasters

There are a lot of mothers in my group of friends and many of them are first time moms. For some reason I’ve been getting comments lately implying these mothers think I’ve got it all together. I attribute that to their sleep deprived minds being unable to see reality clearly. But as I think about it, maybe there are some factors that are contributing to this misinterpretation of life in our household. My two kids typically appear clean, well fed, and clothed, they seem to like each other and myself, many days I can be seen in public without yelling at my children, and we are intentionally attempting to add a third child.  I could see how young/new moms think that this means I “have it together”. If “it” is the crazy train and “together” means happily riding along, then sure. Here are some examples from this week to remind those mothers that we are all doing our best and to not judge a book by its cover.

One day this week Batman wore the same shirt and socks two days in a row, he even slept in them. It was my intent to change him, but we ran out of time in the morning, and by the afternoon I figured what’s a few more hours. The pants were also reused, but they at least had a day off in between.

Superman wore the same underwear two days in a row. Not my favorite, but when the kid gets up and puts on his own underwear, I’m not going to attempt a fight to switch them out. Don’t hinder progress folks.

We devised a sticker chart on our wall to encourage Superman to eat 3 meals a day. He has only accomplished it once, the food consumed that day was cereal, chicken nuggets, and chicken. If it’s not in the brown color family, he’s not eating it. (Mac n’ cheese is the exception to this rule, but only Kraft and only Easy Mac). Smashing success, as you can see.

When I get home I sit in my driveway and waste time on my phone for 5-15 minutes as I regroup and mentally prepare for the craziness that will ensue once the children are indoors and unleashed.

I go to the gym every morning and arrive 3 minutes (or less) before class starts, which is not enough time to take my son and myself to the bathroom and get the kids settled in. The fact is, I’m always aiming to be 15 minutes early and it never happens. Ever. Not once.

My son is crying on the monitor at this very moment because he wants out of his crib. I am not ready to handle that because once I go in there his older brother will wake up and it’s back to the crazy again, so I am listening and feeling mom guilt but still have not gotten up off the couch. (PS, he is safe and he is fine. I may be a mess, but I’m a safe mess.)

In a rush to get my children ready and out the door for the millionth time this week, I hurriedly opened the kids’ bedroom door. What I did not realize was that that Superman had woken up  and was standing behind the door where he received an accidental whack on the head with the door. “Ow mommy, you hurt me.” Sorry kid.

It has been over 24 hours (but less than 48) since I have taken a shower. This is not unusual.

I only bathe my kids every other day (ish) and tooth brushing is hit or miss. We’re working on it.

My child learned the alphabet and his colors from his preschool teacher, not me. His favorite song is Uptown Funk. (In my defense, we taught him ‘Too hot, oh man! so there’s that.)

I had to go to Target and buy Batman new shoes because I just didn’t put them on him. I was going to forego shoes entirely, but when he slipped and fell I realized that wasn’t an option and neither was going home. So new shoes.

I could go on and on. These are things that have literally occurred within the last few days, and it’s been a good week. I shared this with you all to let you know that when you look at a mom who is put together, whose children seem perfect, and whose skills you envy, don’t beat yourself up with fictionalized comparisons. You don’t know how long she had to listen to her son cry in his crib so she could just get her eye liner on, you don’t know how much the children scream and run around her house seeing how long it will take before she snaps (and she always feels like she snaps too much or too soon). You don’t know how much she cajoled, bribed, and then finally yelled trying to get her kids out the door and figure out where their shoes went that she just put on like two seconds ago and why is the baby holding a can of black beans who opened the pantry and oh my gosh I don’t know where your milk cup is you were just holding it!!!…. You don’t know how much of a failure she might feel when comparing herself to you.

Being a mom is hard; our children take every once of love, patience, kindness, and Mac n’ Cheese we can give them. Let’s not waste our time comparing, but instead reach out to a mom and offer encouragement, or better yet offer her some coffee. Or a milkshake. Preferably both. And don’t forget to ask for some yourself. Encouragement, that is. Also coffee and milkshakes.

And if you want my real secret, it’s this: All of the successes in my parenting don’t come from me. The moments of calm while my toddler screams and tells me no for the millionth time, surviving through endless sleepless nights with emotions raw from exhaustion, those feats aren’t accomplished through my own power. What looks like ‘togetherness’ is complete surrender. I’m not trying to do this mom thing on my own because I know I cannot, and not even my sweet and wonderful husband is the answer. So I put my trust in my savior and ride the crazy train happily with missing shoes, spilled milk, and a very messy kitchen.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20