Thanks For The Facebook Memories
Did you know that I’m so old I joined Facebook when you still needed a .edu email address? This will not surprise my children; they already think I’m ancient. I remember being excited when I was finally issued my college email, it felt so grown up. Compared to my first Hotmail user name, which was a silly collection of things I liked followed by a number, I guess it was pretty grown up. So, one of the first things I did with it was sign up for The Facebook. Yes, The Facebook, not just Facebook. Google says they dropped the “The” my first semester of college, so there you go.…
New Year, Old Me (possibly)
There’s something special about January. The second hand shifts from one side of the clock to the other, our phone calendars flip to the next month and a new year, and it feels like we’re given a clean slate. Resolutions are made as we envision the kind of person we will be in the new year. Personal health goals like exercising regularly, cutting out sodas and/or alcohol, or, for the truly determined, not lying to the dentist when she asks if you floss regularly. Or maybe the goals are home-oriented, like decluttering one space each week, finally sticking with that cleaning schedule, or the ambitious, folding and putting away laundry…
Midnight Sun and My First Love
My tween heart exploded this week when I finally got to read Midnight Sun. Please don’t laugh like my husband did, though I’d forgive you because I’m unapologetic. If you’re not familiar, it’s from the Twilight book series, and it’s been 15 years in the making. Now, I say tween, but have to admit that when these books came out, I had already survived my tween years. I was twenty years old, a newlywed, and at the time, I worked at a middle school. I remember actual tween girls gushing over this book and how much they loved it and were “literally dying” for the movie to come out. I…
Good Enough
I lay back in the warm water, body cradled by my pool float. I close my eyes to the blinding sun and feel its heat across my skin. Living thousands of feet high in elevation makes the sun feel more intense. A comfortable 89 at sea level feels different in this dry heat, and I can feel my skin absorb the invisible rays. Bobbing in the water, eyes closed, my mind relaxes. It’s like I become detached from the space, even though I’m listening to the raucous sounds my sons make as they splash near me. I imagine I’m in the bay, my favorite place, and feel the motion created…
Bubble Baths & Long Talks
My hands felt sweaty on the microphone, and there was a faint shake to them, a combination of coffee and nerves. Some people have fantastic stage presence, they step in front of a crowd, and a dynamic alter ego breaks through. Me, not so much. I was my usual brand of sincerity, awkward authenticity, and random movie quotes. I did it anyway. I stood on the small stage in front of 20 some women and shared my heart and God’s wisdom. I spoke about self-care, which I would never have imagined wanting to talk about, let alone fill 45 minutes of time on. After all, the topic and I have…
What I’m Capable of
I logged onto my gym app and looked at the workout for the next day. Heavy power cleans and wall balls. The first movement is weightlifting, using technique and strength to get a barbell from the floor to your shoulders; the goal was to go heavy that day. Power cleans happen to be my favorite movement in all of Crossfit. The second movement wasn’t heavy, per se, but exhausting and repetitive. You take a large, weighted ball, squat with it, and then stand up and throw it at a 10’ mark. You then catch it and go straight back into the squat of the next repetition and do this over…
Angry Mommy
I lost it. Like, really lost it. ‘It’ being my self-control, my patience, my compassion, my rational thinking, all gone. There was nothing redeemable about that moment with my child. In it, I was her, the genuinely crappy mom. I have my moments, and this was one. If my emotions were animated, it would be as Cruella de Vil having a psychotic break with reality, eyes clouded by anger and driving this metaphorical car forward with my rage sure to end the exchange in a fiery crash. This isn’t the mom I want to be. This isn’t the mom I want my kids to have. Yet sometimes I find myself…
Under Pressure
I was excited walking into the first week of homework for a new-to-me Bible study on marriage. I’ve been doing women’s Bible studies for years on a variety of topics and books of the Bible, but this is the first time I have focused on my marriage with other women. Given the solid relationship John and I have enjoyed for over a decade, I was confident that this would simply build on our secure foundation. Fast forward to the second week of homework and I found myself sitting in my bed doing said homework amidst a pile of pillows and tears. I wanted to throw the book onto the floor,…
- Adoption, Depression, Family, Grief, Hydranencephaly, Life, Pressure, Special Needs, Special Needs Parenting, Unexpected
Red Rover
It was sunset, and I was driving south down a long road. Looking to the west out my passenger window I could see for miles. There was an unobstructed view of the mountains, silhouetted and backlit by a gorgeous orange glow. The sun had sunk below the peaks, its radiance shining upward, turning the sky into a stunning display of colors, blending yellows, oranges, pinks, and purples in an ombre affect only God could create. Out my driver’s side window to the east the view was dark, mixed hues of purples and blues, and lit by the bright orb of an almost full moon. Beautiful in its own right, but…
- Adoption, Depression, Faith, Family, Grief, Hope, Hydranencephaly, Life, Pressure, Special Needs, Special Needs Parenting, Unexpected
What Happened in the Fire?
I don’t know why it’s so easy to flippantly read about God’s miracles. Why don’t I get excited and jazzed every time I read about how he healed a blind man with spit or commanded the wind and waves to be still. Maybe it’s the unintentional byproduct of growing up in church that somehow these stories become “normal” to me. There’s nothing normal about the miraculous. You might be familiar with the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. It’s found in the third chapter of Daniel in the Bible. It’s one many children hear growing up, which is interesting because it’s just one chapter. Their names are mentioned in the…
