Thanks For The Facebook Memories
Did you know that I’m so old I joined Facebook when you still needed a .edu email address? This will not surprise my children; they already think I’m ancient. I remember being excited when I was finally issued my college email, it felt so grown up. Compared to my first Hotmail user name, which was a silly collection of things I liked followed by a number, I guess it was pretty grown up. So, one of the first things I did with it was sign up for The Facebook. Yes, The Facebook, not just Facebook. Google says they dropped the “The” my first semester of college, so there you go.…
The Experience of Silence
Silence. Beautiful silence. A stillness that settles in. An opportunity for senses and mind to rest as the barrage of noise stops. Silence offers a respite from processing the TV in the background with the pounding of kids running through the house, along with the verbal cacophony of voices layered over top of each other. When the loudness fades away, the little things pop through, orchestrating a delicate symphony. The taps of rain hitting pavement and windowpanes, creating different sounds on each surface. The tick of a clock establishing a quiet tempo with each passing second. The distant whir of an HVAC system humming a melody. Silence settles in like…
Angry Mommy
I lost it. Like, really lost it. ‘It’ being my self-control, my patience, my compassion, my rational thinking, all gone. There was nothing redeemable about that moment with my child. In it, I was her, the genuinely crappy mom. I have my moments, and this was one. If my emotions were animated, it would be as Cruella de Vil having a psychotic break with reality, eyes clouded by anger and driving this metaphorical car forward with my rage sure to end the exchange in a fiery crash. This isn’t the mom I want to be. This isn’t the mom I want my kids to have. Yet sometimes I find myself…
As White as Snow
The snow came in overnight, silently and persistently dropping tiny flakes for hours while we slept. When I awoke, my window offered the view of a pristine, white blanket that had covered the gravel, half-dead grass, and copious amounts of dog poop in my backyard. Buried by a thick layer of snow, there was no proof of our sloppy yard maintenance or the four dogs that live in our home. There was only the perfect, blinding whiteness of the powder-soft snow, coating every inch of ground, smoothing over rough edges. Colorado abounds with beauty that points me to God, from the mountains to the sunsets to the rolling prairies, I’m…
Fruit & Consequences
My nephew sat at our kitchen table writing scripture, a consequence for something he had done. I sat across from him overseeing his progress. As children are known to do, he was whining and crying, arguing and bargaining, anything and everything he possibly could to get out of the simple task. “If I say it to you 5 times can I just write it 4 times?” “No.” “Grandpa lets me do it that way.” “I’m not.” Heavy sobs burst out, “but it’s so hard!” “I know.” “But I’ve been working real hard at not fighting this week.” “You have, I’m really proud of you.” “It’s taking so long and I’m…
Good Friday
We threw our worst at you. Our pride, our envy our jealousy, our hatred. We took sins of the heart, turned them into action. Slapped, beaten humiliated, crucified. We did our best our worst. You didn’t fight back. You took it all. The sin of that moment, the sin of your people, The sin of people to come. My sin. My pride, my envy my jealousy, my hatred. You died. Our best (and our worst) is paltry. You were not defeated. You are victorious. Risen. Worthy.
Exercise a little grace
Five years ago I took my first Crossfit class. My feet were quaking in my athletic shoes and I was painfully insecure. Trying something new always makes me nervous, and my jiggly postpartum body couldn’t do a single pushup. I was sure that I would die and leave my child motherless. Three years ago I was in the best shape of my life, strong, energetic, and healthy, feeling better about my body after two babies than I had before having any. I was running a mile in under 8 minutes, I could easily carry both of my sons at the same time. For the first time in my life I…
His and Hers
When you’ve got a large family, you spend an absurd amount of time cleaning things. (I may have mentioned that before.) Laundry and dishes pile up the moment you turn your back, and clutter happens in the blink of an eye. I put so much work into the house at large, that my bedroom is the one to suffer. My clean clothes languish in the laundry basket, my dirty laundry piles higher and higher until my 5 year old comments on it, and my bathroom… sigh… my bathroom. I wouldn’t say that there are chores that I actually like, but if I had to rank them, cleaning the bathroom would…
Hospital Stays & Grace for Days
I’m adjusting to being a family of 5. I’ve always heard that going from 2 to 3 is difficult, and I can now attest that is not a lie. (Not that I ever imagined it was). Trying to get out of the house… Dear friend, please give up on the hope of me ever being anywhere on time again. Since arriving in Texas our little girl has been showered with love by friends and family and I absolutely love it. (She received the same in Arkansas!) Our boys have also been getting the spoiled. I fear that their idea of Christmas time now means bunches of people giving them presents day…
Things I Didn’t Expect
An extreme outpouring of love: I’m sorry, dear friends, that I underestimated you. I truly expected people to ask why we were doing this. Or worse, people who were afraid to love our baby girl because of the inevitable loss (that we’re praying is years and years away). But that’s not what we found. We found hundreds of people who are excited for our little one. Tons of people who love her and want to shower her, and us, with that love for as long as possible. Thank you for blowing me away with your beautiful hearts. Hormones: I thought if I didn’t birth a baby I wouldn’t be an…
