Limitless Love & Unshakeable Hope
This morning God stopped me in my tracks in the most beautiful way. I was sitting down with my cup of coffee doing my Bible study while the boys played on their iPads and Wonder Woman laid on the floor, hooked up to her feeding pump. Superman laid down next to her and snuggled, then decided to change her. He took off her pajamas, picked a clean onesie from her drawer, and (with my help) proceeded to get her dressed. I cried. The love this little boy shows his sister is so beautiful and pure it’s almost shameful to watch, because as a mother I struggle to love so purely…
Happy Birthday to Me
It happened. I turned 30. Do I look older? Do I detect an extra wrinkle? Nope, no new ones, just the ones my 3 kids gave me. The ones on my forehead were earned with brows furrowed from frustration or raised in the disbelief of ‘did my toddler really just do that?’ The corners of my eyes have a few more crinkles than before, created with the laughs so hard I cried and a life filled with joy. My mouth has a couple new ones too, from pursed lips or smiles, the varying emotions of motherhood. I guess this is a big birthday, the end of my 20’s. I’m ready…
Magic & Miracles
I’ve just realized that I haven’t blogged in almost 2 months. My apologies, life has been full. Mostly full of great things, making me wonder at how quickly time flies. June was the month of vacations for us. Ocean City with family, Salt Lake City by myself for the Jamberry International Conference, and then our dream vacation to Disney World. It was a whirlwind, and God was so gracious to answer my prayers regarding the trips. It was a blessing introducing Wonder Woman to more of my extended family. It is our goal that she would meet all of our extended family, and we are getting there. This little girl…
The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, & the Miraculous
Oftentimes I feel like a roulette ball on the wheel of grief. If you’re not familiar with the five stages of grief they are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I typically avoid bargaining, it’s not really my nature. The others I find myself in frequently, set off by the spin of a wheel, an unwitting comment, and the shade of our unique circumstances. The Bad One of the hardest things for me is when strangers see my girl and comment on how beautiful she is. This is often followed with, “Just wait till she’s a teenager” or something along those lines. It brings up anger and depression in me.…
Crazy Trains & Time Wasters Part 2
February of last year I wrote a blog to remind my friends that despite how ‘together’ I may appear, appearances can be deceiving, and comparing yourself to another mom is a waste of time. Thanks to social media, I fear the myth that I’m a supermom has begun again. I appreciate the sentiment, but figure I should go ahead and set the record straight. We’re all in this motherhood thing together and we each have our own lists of successes and failures, no good can be found in guilt tripping ourselves that someone else does it better. So please don’t put me on a pedestal. If you do, I’ll just…
Sunshine & Rainbows
Life is sunshine and rainbows. Stick with me here. No, our life isn’t easy living all the time. In fact, it’s often hard, most days are exhausting, and some days are even brutal. Some days we just survive. 5 months with a beautiful baby whose only vocalizations have been crying or fussing is extremely trying. Parenting an independent and stubborn toddler is trying. Teaching and molding a boundary learning [pushing] preschooler is trying. It’s the season of life we are in. There are days that end with John and I flopped on the couch, mindlessly doing anything on our phones to try and decompress from the day. There are also…
Hope Filled, Hope Fueled
I wish you could fill up on hope like you do caffeine. Brew a big pot of it at home, add a dash (in my case half a cup) of creamer, and drink up. Or maybe on a rough day swing by the drive thru and grab a five dollar cup of hope with a fancy Italian name, your favorite pastry, and let that green lady get you through the day. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got an eternal hope, a beautiful knowledge of life everlasting with the God of love. But it’s hard to live a hope filled life sometimes. I’ve noticed this a…
Love Alone
“But Daddy, I love him!” Ariel shouts to her father, protecting her statue of dear Prince Eric. My child mind thought, oh how sad her dad doesn’t understand love. My adult mind says, oh sweet goodness you’re 16 and you’ve never even spoken to the man. That’s not love! Obviously, my concept of love has changed over the decades since I first saw The Little Mermaid. The last year, even more so. I’ve experienced God’s love for me in ways so overwhelming that it has fundamentally changed me. And as I spend more time focused on love and what it means in this world, I understand why love is what…
New Year, New Me
It’s amazing how much changes in a year: seasons, Superbowl Champions, the menu at your favorite restaurant, whether jumpsuits are fashionable or not, a few more lines on your face. January of 2016 God set me on a path of putting Him first, of learning how to trust in Him, and showing that faith in action. Part of that was because 12 months later He would bring Wonder Woman into our lives. I don’t say the culmination of that, because I know God has a heck of a lot more to do in my life (He started a long time ago), but this is a huge mile marker in that…
The In Between
You may have noticed it’s been a while since my last post. I’ve written and rewritten this blog multiple times and have yet to publish it. Mainly because one day I write and feel one way and the next day I write and feel another. Some days it feels too whiny, other days too depressing, and other days too fake. I’ve promised honesty here, and to come and pretend that everything is sunshine and rainbows would be disingenuous. But to be morose and talk only about the depression I’m facing or the grief I’m trying to process wouldn’t be entirely honest either. I’m in the in-between. I have a newborn,…
